How to Say No When You Don't Want the Food

A friend's doctor said he should lose 10 pounds and so he is trying to break his sugar habit. He generally eats well during the day but his downfall is cookies while watching TV. At an office luncheon when dessert was being served, he said, "No thanks, I don't want any." A well meaning co-worker then foisted dessert on him, shoving it in front of him and saying, "You're doctor is wrong, have some," leaving him staring at the dessert then back to us with a sorrowful look on his face.

Your Friend Is Trying to Make You Happy by Offering You Food

His co-worker probably was not out to sabotage him, but more likely was remembering the last time she said no when she really wanted to say yes. She wished someone would have made the decision for her, albeit against her wishes, and then she could have eaten the dessert because it wouldn't be polite to refuse (or some other excuse), so now she's doing him the favor. She is wrong, but that's the way people generally are. We all understand the pain of deprivation and want to make it better for each other.

Devise a Plan for Dealing with Sabotaging Food Pushers

First, if you do want some dessert, have some, enjoy it and move on with your life. It is not a big deal to have a dessert, even if you're already over full. It's one eating event out of thousands. But when you are being pushed into something you don't want it's no different than being offered drinks when you're underage; peer pressure doesn't stop because you graduate from high school.

You Don't Have to Explain: Just Say No

If you're making an effort to make better choices, choosing to eat only foods that really appeal to you, and learning to say no when you just don't want any, you can tell the food pusher, "No, thanks," and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You could also take a plate and let it sit there. Most people are so preoccupied with themselves they won't notice whether you're eating. If someone does ask, "Aren't you going to eat your cake," you could say, "In a minute." Keep busy talking and just delay until it's time to go, then discretely set the plate aside.

If you watch the thinner folks at parties you'll notice they talk a lot and eat little. It's difficult to talk and gesture while holding a drink in one hand and a plate of food in the other.

If the food seems to be calling your name and it's becoming more difficult to resist since it's sitting in front of you then simply pretend it is made of plastic, like the display food in a Chinese restaurant. It's not meant to be eaten, just admired. Then admire it all you like.

Why do we need to resort to trickery to make our own food choices? Because food pushers are not going to accept your arguments, no matter how well you state your case, so don't bother fighting a losing battle. You can't change their mind; they want to eat some and they'd feel better if you ate some too. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself.

Remember the next time you feel the urge to push food on someone, food means love in our society, but choice means more. Offer it, and then let it go if they say no.

Kathryn Martyn, M.NLP

Kathryn Martyn, Master NLP Practitioner, EFT counselor, Weight Loss Coach and owner of OneMoreBite-WeightLoss.com is the author of "Changing Beliefs, Your First Step to Permanent Weight Loss," and "5 Steps to Blast Through Weight Loss Plateaus."

Kathryn was a curvy 16-year old when she met a boy who forever altered her life by uttering three little words. No, not, "I love you," but "You've gotten fat." She weighed all of 132 pounds at 5 foot 7 inches tall, a heathy weight for her.

That statement made her vow to never let him see her eat, and she kept that vow, yet at a very high cost. Whenever they were together she couldn't wait to leave so she could feed her desire for peace and comfort as well as quell her constant hunger pangs.

Denying hunger leads inevitably to eating far past full because we lose the ability to know when we've had enough or what enough even means. After the end of the boyfriend she began a relationship with food that also wasn't healthy. Eating enough for several people, buying enough groceries for a family of four despite living alone, and being diagnosed with high blood pressure at the tender age of 19.

She eventually realized she was unhealthy and unhappy with how she looked so she started to learn to get in touch with her "hungers." She taught herself to recognize what it felt to be satisfied with food. She read books about emotional eating, anorexia, bulimia and other eating disorders, owned a natural foods store, studied herbology and nutrition and discovered weight training for beauty.

Kathryn's gone from a low of 118 pounds to a high of 218 pounds. She knows how it feels to wake up every morning saying, "Today is the day I'm going to start eating right," and then by noon hearing, "Tomorrow would be better. Yeah, I'll start tomorrow."

Kathryn now maintains a healthy weight using the techniques in her 8-week Ending Emotional Eating online weight loss program, workshops and her one-on-one private weight loss coaching practice. Her motto is, "Every meal stands alone," which means no single thing you eat should cause, "Oh, well, I've blown it now," because you can't blow it. You can only overeat this one time. Your next meal is a separate event.

She's called the "Weight Loss Lady," because she get results when all else has failed.

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